remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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