the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
