Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My ass is underappreciated
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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