Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
