I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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