i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
