meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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