he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
