my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
