This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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