I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Are we still banned from the library?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
