all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
