someone get that fucking seahorse.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
