Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
