Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Alive.
So much puke
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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