You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
