Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
