I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
