my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
