Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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