Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
