Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
