Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
