You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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