Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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