So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
