my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
