Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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