grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
