Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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