Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
