That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
