You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
