apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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