you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
