He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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