Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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