hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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