i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
