There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
