Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I need help removing her.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
