That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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