They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
