i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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