Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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