My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
