I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
so much tequila, so little girl.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
