hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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