I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
