thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
