Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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