just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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