She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize