Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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