I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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