2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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