We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
