she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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