i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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