6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I cockslap morals
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
