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so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have aggressive nipples.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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