She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Pooping to opera.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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