I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
