If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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