She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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