I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
