Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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