Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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