there's paper in my vomit.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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