I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
