I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
