I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Drunk is not a location!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
