Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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