drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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