wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
