Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
