Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
