dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
