can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
