I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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