just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
