where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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