You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The Olympian is in my bed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
