Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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