I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
