Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
